Valentine's Day
by Mulderette
Summary: Brief thoughts by ER staff members, one year after the tragedy on Valentine's Day.


Title: Valentine's Day  
Author: Lynne Facella  
Category: JC/Cast  
Disclaimer: All ER characters are the property of Warner Brothers, NBC, etc.  
Spoilers: All in the Family through Season Seven  
Summary: Brief thoughts by ER staff members, one year after the tragedy on Valentine's Day.  
  
  
Kerry sighed as she crutched her way through the emergency room. Valentine's Day. Not that you'd ever know it by looking around. The walls were bare, not a sign of a decoration anywhere. It was a sharp contrast to other years in the ER when hearts had been abundant everywhere. This year Kerry had made it clear to the staff that was not to be the case. No valentines, no cake, no party. She didn't want Carter to have to deal with constant reminders everywhere of what had happened the previous year. She knew it was on his mind. She had seen tiny glimpses when he seemed lost in thought or had a sad look in his eyes. One day she had seen him just staring at the Valentine's Day display in the hospital gift shop window. She herself had been thinking of it more and more lately and could only imagine the effect it had on him. She would forever have the image of Carter and Lucy, lying still and bloody on the floor of Curtain Three, ingrained in her mind.   
  
Kerry had never really been one for Valentine's Day in the past. Most years she had found herself alone on that day and had tried to ignore the bouquets of flowers and boxes of chocolates others had received around her. This was the first year in a very long time that she had been in a relationship. She had never even imagined that she could be in a relationship with a woman and a happy relationship at that, but Kim did make her happy. It was also complicated, but things had never really been simple for Kerry Weaver anyway. She didn't want to go overboard with Valentine's Day, as it somehow seemed inappropriate to do so. But she wanted to make some small gesture to Kim, to let her know how much she meant to her. She would prepare a special dinner this evening and pick up a bouquet of fresh flowers on her way home from work. She and Kim could then just spend a quiet evening at home together. Determined to make the best of her day, Kerry set off to work.   
  
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Luka rubbed his name off the board and looked out into the empty waiting area. It was eerie really. Last Valentine's Day had also been slow, though definitely not quiet. He recalled the blaring music, the pizza, the cake, the laughter...all going on while a doctor and his medical student lay alone and bleeding in the darkness of Curtain Three. One had lived and one had died. Luka knew in his heart that nothing would have saved Lucy that day. Her injuries had been too severe, but there was a part of him that would always carry some guilt over what had happened. He wondered if she had screamed or had just silently succumbed to Paul Sobriki's attack. If she had screamed and if there had been no music, perhaps they would have heard her, stopped Sobriki before things went too far, stopped him before he ever got a chance to lay a hand on Carter. He shook his head sorrowfully. He knew what ifs didn't help. They just added to his guilt, but he had so much to feel guilty about and he knew he deserved to carry this guilt with him...that it would never really go away.   
  
"Luka?" Abby came up to him hesitantly, recognizing the expression on his face, the look of despair. It was a look he wore often and she knew that today could not be an easy day for him. She was sure that the previous Valentine's Day laid heavily on his conscience. None of it had been his fault, yet she was knew that he would find some way to lay part of the blame on himself. It was just the kind of man he was. She wished she knew a way to help him, but unfortunately she did not. Hopefully he would find a way to help himself.   
  
Luka smiled down at Abby, a sad smile which did not reach his eyes. "I will see you this evening Abby. We can go to dinner?"  
  
"Okay Luka." Abby forced an identical smile and went off about her duties. There was just so much sadness here today. She would be glad when this day was over.  
  
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Peter Benton stood outside the Admit desk, his eyes on his former student, his memories drifting back to the horror of one year ago. They had lost Lucy that day and had come damn close to losing Carter as well. He would never forget the panic that had run through him when he had first heard the news and had bolted down to the ER. So much had happened since that day. He knew Carter would never be quite the same again, nor would he. He took a deep breath and walked over to the younger man. "Carter...hey man, what are you doing tonight?"  
  
"Me? Nothing really," Carter looked up from the chart he had been scribbling on. "Why?"  
  
"I was thinking we could go out, get something to eat, whatever you want to do."  
  
"It's Valentine's Day," Carter stated, biting back a smile.   
  
"I know what day it is, Carter. Come on man, what do you say?"  
  
"I say Cleo would kill the both of us if you spend Valentine's Day with me, and no offense Dr. Benton, but you really aren't my type."  
  
Peter rolled his eyes. "Cleo is fine about it," he lied.  
  
"Oh yeah? You asked her?" Carter knew he was not one of Dr. Finch's favorite people.   
  
"Well...uh, not exactly." Peter stumbled over his words. "But it'll be fine. Come on man. We can hang out, watch the basketball game or something."  
  
Carter shook his head, a faint smile on his lips. "I know what you're trying to do, Dr. Benton...and I appreciate it, really I do. But I'm okay."  
  
Benton sighed as he clapped Carter lightly on the shoulder. "All right man, but you let me know if you change your mind okay? Call me any time."  
  
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Dave observed the conversation between Benton and Carter from a short distance, not so close that they would really notice him, but close enough that he could overhear them. It was too bad Carter didn't take Benton up on his offer. Not that Dave imagined going anywhere with Peter Benton could be fun, but it was obvious that Carter and Benton had a special bond. He knew how much Carter respected Benton and he thought it would do him a world of good to go out and try to loosen up a bit. He was always so damn serious all the time. Dave had tried on numerous occasions to get Carter to go out with him. He had a number of female friends who would have been very happy to spend the evening with he and Carter on a double date, or they could just go out alone, grab a few beers, maybe shoot some pool. Carter wanted none of that though. Dave figured he'd try again sometime soon, but he didn't feel tonight would be the right time. Even though the Chief had laid down the 'no valentine celebration rule,' Dave knew that every person working in the ER today had at least taken a moment to remember what had happened last year. It would have been impossible not to. All Dave had to do was close his eyes and he could see Lucy plain as day lying on the exam table with multiple stab wounds. It wasn't something he liked to dwell on though and he tried not to. Lucy had been a good person. He liked to think that she was at peace now.   
  
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Mark pulled the bouquet of roses out from behind his back. "Happy Valentine's Day, Elizabeth," he said, gently wrapping his arms around her and leaning forward, meeting her lips with his own.   
  
"Happy Valentine's Day," Elizabeth echoed. "They're beautiful, Mark." She buried her nose in the roses, inhaling the fragrance and then noticed that there were twelve red roses surrounding one white rose. She gave Mark a questioning look.  
  
"Twelve are for you, and the white one in the middle is for our new addition." He smiled, lightly resting his hand on Elizabeth's abdomen. He was just so grateful to be alive, to have Elizabeth and the child she was carrying in his life.   
  
"You mean everything to me. You know that, don't you?" he asked softly, gazing into her eyes.  
  
"Of course I do, Mark. You know I feel the same way about you." She encircled her arms around Mark's back, laying her head against his chest. She was glad to be home, away from the hospital. She had been busy today, her surgical schedule filled so she hadn't had a lot of time to think, but in between procedures, the memories had filtered through. Lucy's whispered thank you after surgery, the fear in her eyes when she realized she might have a pulmonary embolus, and the desperate, futile efforts of she and Romano to save Lucy's life finally ending in Elizabeth's calling the time of death at 2:56.  
  
"Hey, you okay?" Mark asked, noticing the far off look in Elizabeth's eyes.   
  
"Yes, I'm fine." She looked up at him, forcing a weak smile.  
  
"I think today was hard for everyone," Mark stated, stroking her hair.   
  
Elizabeth nodded as she tightened her hold on Mark and closed her eyes. She needed to concentrate on the present and leave the past in the past where it belonged.   
  
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"Happy Valentine's Day, Gretel." Romano affectionately petted the head of his dog who came running to greet him upon his entrance to the house. "No chocolate hearts for you, girl, but I think you'll like this even better." He walked into the kitchen with Gretel at his heels and unwrapped the grade A ground beef he had gotten straight from the butcher. He put it into Gretel's bowl, placing it on the floor and watched as the dog inhaled it quickly and then looked up at her master, obviously hoping for more.   
  
"You glutton," Romano said, petting his dog once again. "That's all you're going to get. You should have made it last longer." He walked into his living room, comfortably situating himself on his recliner, pulling out the remote control to his entertainment center from the side pocket to let the sounds of classical music fill the room.  
  
He had noticed the absence of anything at all related to Valentine's Day in the ER, knew that it had been Weaver's doing. He understood why she had done it, but wondered if it really helped. He was sure that anyone who had played a part in the tragedy of last February would remember, valentines or not. He recalled sewing Lucy up after it was over. Her body so pale and cold...so much promise lost. He knew tragedies happened. He saw them every day and had managed to harden himself against them. Being the heartless bastard that everyone perceived him to be helped to get him through the day. Lucy had been different though. She had stood up to him. She hadn't been afraid. It was a real shame what had happened to her. Romano closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the recliner as he turned up the volume of the music and tried to forget.   
  
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Carter stood on the roof of the hospital, the wind whipping through his lab coat, though he was oblivious to the cold. He had been standing up here for quite some time, just lost in his thoughts, staring out over the city. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the valentine, studying it closely. It was a simple thing really, just a fancy piece of paper in the shape of a heart, surrounded with lace. A heart...Lucy's heart was no longer beating...but his was. He knew he had to let it go. It was time. One year ago today he had almost died and then had been well on the way to killing himself with drugs. But with the help of God and his colleagues, he finally felt optimistic that he would be able to overcome it. He was alive and he was determined to stay that way. "I'm sorry, Lucy," he said softly as he dropped the valentine over the railing, watching it get swept up in the wind, dancing around, lightly falling until it vanished from his sight. He stood there for a few more moments, brushed away the few stray tears on his cheeks and turned to go back inside. He needed to get on with his life.   
  
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Jing-Mei Chen paused as she momentarily lost herself in the memories of last Valentine's Day. She knew she would always remember the look of fear and bewilderment on John's face when he regained consciousness in the trauma room. It had been difficult losing Lucy the way they had, but she couldn't imagine if John had died too. She had been so afraid for him that day and had found herself worrying about him quite a bit, even after he had seemingly been well on the road to recovery. To find out he was addicted to pain medication had been a shock to say the least. She had thought of many different reasons for his erratic behavior, but drug abuse had never even entered her mind. She wanted to be there for him, to help him if he needed it. He had been there for her through the birth of her child, gentle and supportive. He had provided the shoulder she had so desperately needed to lean on and she would like to return the favor if he would let her.  
  
She looked up as he came out of the elevator. He had obviously been up on the roof. His cheeks were red from the cold and his hair tousled from the wind.   
  
"John? You okay?" She walked over to him, putting her hand lightly on his upper arm.  
  
He gazed down at her for a moment as if considering the question and finally nodded his head slowly. "Yeah Deb. I am," he answered quietly.   
  
"I was wondering..." she began slowly, looking up at him uncertainly. "I'm dreading the thought of being alone tonight. I was thinking, if you're not doing anything, maybe you wouldn't mind keeping me company? I...I could really use a friend."  
  
John gazed steadily into her eyes. He knew what she was doing, but as he thought about her offer, he really couldn't see any reason not to do it. In fact, he found the idea very appealing.  
  
"Sure Deb. I'd like that. I'd like it very much."   
  
"Great John. Thank you."  
  
John shook his head. "No...*Thank you*, Deb." He clasped her hand in his for a moment, squeezing it lightly. "I'll meet you in the lounge at the end of our shift, okay?"  
  
They smiled at each other briefly and went their separate ways,each hoping that perhaps this Valentine's Day would be the springboard for a better year to come.   
  
  
  
The End  



End file.
